Tech + Lifestyle

games, gear, and googleplexes (joke)

A Phone-Luddite Is Me

Confession: I hate phones.

That’s not quite accurate. I hate talking on the phone. Texting is awesome, playing mobile games can be great, instant-messaging is cool, taking written and voice-notes has proved invaluable to my writing, and having an always available list of contacts is great. It’s just the whole talking thing that I’m not in love with.

I’m not even entirely sure why this is. I don’t mind using Skype; I suppose the talking is offset by getting to see video of the other person and being able to use my computer while I talk. When I’m on my cell phone, I’m just holding it to my ear. I can’t play games or write or organize things. I get bored; it’s like sensory deprivation or something. Just sitting there talking doesn’t cut it for me. Argh.

If I could get a phone and only sign up for data and texting, I would. If I could stage a successful marketing campaign that convinced everyone that talking is lame, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t like the auditory navigation systems, or waiting in dread whenever I have to call someone important (or waiting in rage if I’m calling tech support, God forbid). I just don’t like it. Make my communication visual, please. Text is awesome in in and every form. I love it. I eat that stuff up. Text messages? Fantastically efficient. Twitter? Witty, short and sweet. IM? Great way to debate, disparage your friends, and generally wreak havoc.

Take this as something of a warning, or perhaps a preemptive apology. When you’re on the phone with me, know that I’m not enjoying it. Know that I’m counting down the seconds until I can say goodbye. Know that if you go on and on and on, I start shaking a little and my eyes glaze over. Nobody wants that, right?


June 11, 2009 - Posted by | Humor, Personal, Tech | , , , , , , , ,


  1. I have the same feelings about phone conversations. I don’t mind talking in person nearly as much, but something about the real-time, voice-only environment drives me up the wall. Text is a godsend by comparison.

    Comment by brunchboy | June 12, 2009 | Reply

  2. Dude. I’m the exact same way, and for the exact same reason.

    You can’t *do* anything when you’re the on the phone. Sure, the conversation is pleasant and enjoyable, but it’s difficult to maintain a conversation whenever you’re trying to read something on the screen. And so I force myself away from the monitor, collapse on my bed, and settle in for the long haul. My phone to my ear, my attention span to the shitter.

    It’s a hard life.

    Comment by mattmadeiro | June 12, 2009 | Reply

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